Monthly Archives: May 2011

Dress Code?

I was getting dinner on the table……..well………, taking pizza out of the box.  Enter Johnny.

Johnny:  I’m in my evening wear for dinner.

I look up to see  him standing in his  t-shirt and underwear. 

Sounds fancier than, “Hey Mom!  I’m going to eat dinner in my tighty whities.!!”

Fruit of the Loom  needs a new spokesmodel perhaps?

Almost Paradise!

Johnny really is the ultimate party guest!  Often he is the entertainment you didn’t know your party needed, providing comic relief at any moment.  He can also act as a bouncer, checking credentials by asking your guests who they are and who invited them. (this role does get a little awkward). what they are doing there. 

At times, if the hostess is lucky, he will find something about their home he finds…….well, beyond cool, that he has the hostess ready to call House Beautiful or……..depending on ego, Martha Stewart.

Last night might require a call to Martha herself.

In the spirit of Memorial Day we were at a BBQ with my husband’s classmates from Annapolis.    Remembering our Dear Friend who is serving in Afghanistan and showing our support to his family we were sitting on their deck watching the kids play and “remembering when.”

All of the sudden the door slams open.  There stands Johnny.  Not one to waste time by finding me and quietly asking his question, Johnny bellows:

HEY PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING THIS PARTY……….  AND LIVE IN THIS HOUSE…………..  CAN I GO THE BATHROOM IN YOUR BATHROOM???!!!!

  Hostess: (giggling) Uh, yes, of course.

I shake my head and the conversation continues.

Again, Johnny appears at the doorway.

Johnny:  Hey Mommy…….It’s pretty cool in there……… they have BLUE TOILET WATER!!!

Me:  Wow…You’re right, THAT’S cool!

At this time the hostess is relieved she spent the time cleaning that toilet.

An hour or so later:

Me:  Johnny, come on, it is time to go.

Johnny:  But I dooon’t waaannnna go!  This place is PARADISE!!!

I mean really who can blame him?  How can I compete with organized legos AND pristine BLUE TOILET WATER. 

Get on the horn with Martha……..STAT!

She Asked

Johnny loves his Cousin Amber.  She is 20 and lives with us while she goes to school.  He never calls her Amber.  She is always “Cousin Amber” or lately, Ambre.  Her job has her working at night so he has missed seeing her. 

 This morning he was very happy to see her.  Well………. as enthusiastic as he can be about someone if they are not Batman.    However, she does work at Starbucks so she does have elevated popularity when she comes bearing chocolate drinks for him.

He likes to keep close tabs on her so he began drilling her on what she was doing and where she was going.

Johnny:  Hey Ambre, were you on another sleep over?

Cousin Amber:  No, I was working.

Johnny:  Are you leaving for a sleepover?

Cousin Amber:  No.  I’m going to school.

Cousin Amber, forgetting you can’t beat Johnny at his game, thought she would grill him on what he was doing.

Cousin Amber:  What are you doing Johnny?  Why are you sitting on the step smiling?

Johnny:  Because…………….I’m thinking about what the world would be like without Miley Cyrus.

Johnny, music fans eveywhere salute you!

The Perfect Plan

We are heading into Birthday Season in our family.  I am not much of a planner so it is complete fate that I had a baby in May, in June, in July, and August.  Birthday season used to send me into a panic of too many potential parties to plan ( I more prefer the throw together method).  This season has me longing for that chaos and planning anxiety. 

Our Precious Baby Girl would have been 2 on July 4th!  The pain of her loss is unbearable at best and immobilizing on really bad days.  She was a good example of what happens when you try to make plans and God just laughs. 

I thought I was done with  babies after 3 boys and several years of hearing, “wow, you have your hands full!”  Which I firmly believe is code for your kids are out of control maniacs.  And then we found out about God’s plan and our new surprise, BABY #4.

Pregnancy with Baby #4 did not go as planned either.  About half way through the pregnancy we learned that our Beautiful Baby would have Down Syndrome.   A few weeks later we discovered she had several congenital heart defects.  At the time this news completely turned our world upside down.  Frankly, we were scared!

We struggled with how to tell the boys about the new baby’s diagnosis.  Chosing the theory of “let’s not worry them” we said nothing.  We didn’t think it would be an issue for a while because we had been told that at birth the Down Syndrom features are not noticeable to many.  Once again, selling the boys short, we thought that was a safe bet.  Frankly, we thought they wouldn’t even notice.  Especially with Johnny, as he seemed the least excited about a baby.

So, the day after her Surpise 4th of July arrival her Big Brother’s came to meet her.  Her Big Brother and the Little Brother touched her, and oohhed and aahhed.  Exclaiming, she’s so cute, can we call her “Missy America” since she was born on 4th of July.

Me:  No, we picked her name.

Big Brother:  How about Betsy Ross?

Me:  No, I like her beautiful name.

Big Brother:  Can I call her Missy America for a nickname?

Me:  Sure.

Big Brother and Little Brother then take turns holding the baby.

In comes Johnny…….. walks over. ……….takes one look at his new sister and exclaims, “Hey Look, She’s Chinese!” 

So much for our plan!

Big Brother:  Do all babies look Chinese?

Me:  No honey, she has what is called Down Syndrome.

Brothers (In unison)  Oh. 

Big Brother:  Well, I don’t know why they say that, she looks fine to me.

Me:  Me to.

Brothers:  Now, can we take her picture?

What took me months to accept took them seconds.  My heart melted witnessing those brothers show their Uncondintional Love for their Precious Baby Sister. 

What a lesson for me.  I’m so glad I didn’t get the chance to manipulate the image in their head before she was born.

And another lesson………there ain’t no fooling that Johnny!  He may not always be watching but he’s not missing anything!

I Call Shot Gun!

As they say, it’s only funny until someone loses an eye, finger, hand, etc.  Whichever Mom first came up with this fun busting remark did not have the pleasure of Johnny’s company.   Many things can become funny when Johnny is your commentator.  Like I have said, he calls it like he sees it!!   

So, I was doing a whirlwind parade of getting this boy to soccer, this one to swimming, etc.  This, as most know, involves a lot of racing to be the first in the car so you can win a prime seat.  If there is a prime seat in a 12 year old mini-van.  On second thought, maybe they are racing so no one sees them getting in the 12  year old mini-van.

On this day, Big Brother was the winner and got shotgun.  Little Brother was last as he was struggling to open the sliding door that outweighs him by about 50 lbs.   Johnny, being the smartest, had quietly climbed into the way back of the van to get away from us. 

Big Brother:  Ha ha, I beat you!!

Little Brother:  No you didn’t!  You CHEATED!!!!

You Cheated is Little Brother’s favorite phrase.

Me:  Just get in!

Little Brother starts to climb in at the exact moment Big Brother begins to slam the door.  If it wasn’t for his brother’s hand in the way it would have been a  solid slam.

Little Brother:  Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Brother:   Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I begin making sure no limbs are actually lost.  Thank God, we are still in tact.

Big Brother:  (feeling bad) I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

Me:  I know it was an accident but you have to be careful.

Little Brother (professional manipulator) Hhmmpphhh!!!!!!

Me:  Now, do you really think your Big Brother thought, when my Little Brother gets here I’m going to slam his hand in the door?

When from the way, way back of the van……..

Johnny:  (Very matter of fact)  Yeeeep, I think HE did.

So much for my eternal hope of Brotherly Love……… Johnny set me straight, ONCE again.

Opening Day

Soooo, my plan, or should I say deep desire, to fly under the radar has failed yet again.  My fatal error?  Going to the pool on opening day.   Yeeep, first day out and already we need to move.   As always, it SEEMED like such great idea.   Let the boys cool off after a hot day of soccer and baseball.  I had visions of lying poolside with my People magazine, rekindling those pool friendships.

It started out idealic enough.  Set the meeting place, distributed goggles and went over some ground rules (or so I thought).  Then Johnny noticed the diving board.  He noticed his Little Brother going off the diving board.   He, of course, wanted to go off the diving board.  I told him he had to wait till he had his swim lesson and his brother had already had his.  With an, “OK Mommy, I thought I was golden. 

I was reading my magazine when Johnny comes up panting:

Johnny:  Mommy, the lifeguard saw me swim and said I could jump off the board.

Me:  I don’t care what she said, I have to see you swim first.

Johnny:  (Bellowing)  Hey!  Mr. Lifeguard my Mommy isn’t going to let me go off the board!!

And yes said worker did not receive my previous public service announcement.  Because, yoooouuu got it, Mr. Lifeguard was in fact Ms. Lifeguard.

Me:  The lifeguard is a girl.

Johnny:  Oh.

Thinking I dodged the bullet without tooo much of a scene I went back to my chair.  A few minutes later:

Johnny:  Mommy, I’m going to practice my swimming  now.

Me:  Thaats a GREAT  idea!

I then walked over thinking happily, this is going to be perfect, just what he needs for some good exercise. 

I watch him swim and yell some good coaching techniques I learned from the Swim Team Coaches.  Letting my guard down (no pun intended) I didn’t realize I was under the guard chair.  

Johnny then swam  back toward me and the lifeguard.

Johnny:  PHEW!  Did you see Mommy?

Me:  I’m so proud of you.  That was great swimming.

Johnny:  Now the water feels warmer.

Me:  That’s because you swam so good, got good exercise so your body feels warmed up!

Johnny:  Nooooooo, thaaats NOT why the water is warmer.

Me:  Standing very still bracing myself.  Wondering if it’s too late to say a Novena.

Johnny:  (With great pride in his voice) It’s because I just went NUMBER ONE in the water!  

I was STUNNED. …… I was SPEECHLESS…….. I was FROZEN to my spot!!  There was no way out.  The Guard heard everything.  Sooo, I swallowed my pride AND humility, yet again.  Turned, looked at the Guard and said, “I have nothing to say .”  

So much for under the radar.  Think we may need new identities.  I will start with a hat and a wig.  By the end of the summer I may need a new name and social. 

I mean, we still have a whole summer, and all of this was in 1 HOUR!

Wake Up Call

Trying to get everyone off to a good start on a Monday morning.  Johnny, of course, had been up with the chickens, as they say.   I sweetly went into wake up Johnny’s little brother.  Seeing that sleeping face I couldn’t resist waking him with kisses on his cute little freckle face.  Looking on in disgust, Johnny came over to his brother’s bed.

Johnny:  Why are you kissing him like that?

Me:  Because it is a nice way to wake him up.

Johnny:  Eeeehhh…………..next time, just shake some sense into him instead.

Only took 9 years, and he’s already a cranky old guy.

Wise Boy Says

 

Waiting for the coffee to finish and just got the following advice from Johnny.  As the world did not end yesterday you might take heed.

DON’T PUT YOUR HEAD WHERE YOUR LEGS GO!

 

Says the wise  Johnny Boy.

Sun God

LOUNGING POOLSIDE AFTER A STRESSFUL DAY OF DOING NOTHING

Johnny:  FINALLY, I get to relax. 

Me:  Oh, FINALLY??

Johnny:  Yes.  And Mommy, I need sunglasses.

Me:  Why?

Johnny:  So I can be cool.

Me:  You already are cool.

Johnny:  But I need sunglasses!  AND sunTAN lotion.

Me:  Oh, so you don’t get a sunburn?

Johnny:  No!  So, I can get a sunTAN!  I’m going to get a tan like a piece of fried bacon!!  

For an Irish Boy, is that even possible?

Carpe Diem!!

Energy boost perhaps?!  One more doughnut and he’ll be on his feet!!