We miss our Precious Baby Girl, every second, of every day, with every fiber of our being. She was such a life force! With the face of angel, it took one look and all were hooked. As simply put by her Big Brother, she was irresistible!!! She has left us and there is a certain emptiness that fills our days. I like to sit quietly and try to feel her in my arms and see that sweet face. Church is wonderful for this, that is, if I am ever able to be there alone. It is a double-edged sword because there are so many memories of her in that place that I cannot contain my emotions and they run like a raging waterfall.
The raging waterfall is an event that Johnny just cannot take. Seeing Mommy so upset just does him in and he tries to make it better.
Johnny has what the “Experts” call sensory issues. He does not like loud. Surround Sound is not his friend! So it stands to reason that at school assemblies his class used to sit next to the speaker system. Instead of the logical solution of moving the class, Johnny would wear headphones to muffle the noise. You know, so he blends! It seemed to do the trick, thus the year was spent in headphones by the speakers.
A few weeks ago I took Johnny with me for the schools morning mass because his brother was reading. I had forgotten he told me they were going to sing “The Irish Blessing.” All who have heard this song can attest to it’s beauty. Well, this beautiful song was sung at Baby Girl’s Memorial Service. The phrase “till we meet again” fills me with sadness, hope and tears that easily turn to sobbing, which is what happened that morning.
My sweet boy did all he could in his Little Man power to make it better.
Like he has seen me do many times, First he wiped my nose, up and down my face. Then he took said snotty kleenex and wiped my eyes. And YES, that mascara did not pass the water proof test.
Me: Thank you Johnny. I love you, you are a good boy!
Johnny: Sitting back and taking a good look at the mess that was his Mommy, said the most logical thing I have heard since losing my Baby Girl. Mommy, I think this place is too much for you. You need to start wearing headphones! Now, here, let me blow your nose for you.
Thank you Johnny, you are the best boy. And smart to, because really, it is all just too much somedays. Maybe I will get those headphones and better mascara.