Mr. GATE ????? is that YOU???

Being Johnny’s Mom is a constant reminder that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed……….however that boy IS! !!!

Next week he has to turn in a Social Studies project.  I am all for the academic challenge.  Indeed, we are sooooo thankful that Johnny has come soooo far and does not need any modified curriculum………THAT IS until the time of the SOCIAL STUDIES PROJECT.  At that time I would like to A)  pretend he’s had an extreme setback and is not capable of completing said project OR B) pay COLD HARD CASH for a completed project  that I would (with no shame) have him write his name on (in his best handwriting, of course) and turn in.  THAT, my dear friends, is HOW MUCH I detest school projects.

The due date is  FOUR DAYS away and I have done so much re-direction that I can’t even remember the destination.  HELP!!!

That boy is ONE MASTER CONIVER.  He could probably build a computer, but when it comes to googling the Plateau Region of Virginia he puts on his game face.  The look is one of a blank stare and inability to communicate…..it’s a sudden onset……..hard to trace……..but I believe it has a direct relationship to the phrase…..”Johnny, time to get started on your project.”

Today, I thought a field trip would help.  So, to the library we went.  Ummmm, don’t think it helped.  Why?……………well, the VERY HELPFUL LIBRARIAN (seriously, she was) was also given the blank stare BUT…..lucky her, she also got a Big Ol Grunt!  I told her it was nothing personal.

I then take my MY DEAR WORKER BEE home.  I express my dissappoint in his work performance so far.  Not sure………but I think he looked up a few new Four Letter Words at that library and saying them silently to himself as I lectured away.  After Johnny thought he could not take the sound of my voice one more second he was ready to start DEALING.

Johnny – Mommy, I will do my project if you will buy me a Lego Star Wars set and a Batman Costume.

Me – JOHNNY!  I will not get you a toy for doing your school work.  It is what you are supposed to do.  IT’S YOUR JOB!!!

Johnny – (No words, just staring).

Me – (Once again, making the mistake of thinking) Johnny, if you work really hard maybe I will let you pick out a book!!  (SUCH a brilliant Mom, am I)

Johnny – How bout a comic book.

Me – (Thinking, well, at least it IS reading) Well, we’ll see.

Johnny – “Well, if you’ll buy me a comic book WHY won’t you buy me a toy??  See, comic books and toys are really the same thing.”

………………..and THEN he said something that makes me want to find that MATH PATTERN GUY and give him a piece of whatever mind I have left.

Johnny – Comic Books ARE just like toys……………..don’t YOU see the pattern here??!!

Mr. Math Pattern guy, YOU better sleep with ONE eye OPEN…I’m not your fan either………….I’ve been outsmarted by that Boy once AGAIN!!!  There is DEFINITLY a pattern here!!

Oh yeah…………..AND FORGET any Special Education assistance………….I’m signing that Boy up for GIFTED AND TALENTED!!!!

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