In Rear View – On that note

A dear friend and neighbor of mine from our California days once told me, “You answer the phone like the house is on fire and you walk around like  you are waiting on the other shoe to drop.”  My response, “Have you met me????…………it usually does!”  The shoe drops that is………amazingly, I ‘ve escaped fire.

 I don’t like to point fingers buuuuuuttttttttt….. Johnny  taught me after his first solo mall escalator ride at the age of TWO to always remain on HIGH ALERT.   Recently, I guess I must have  let my guard down.  How I know??  It has not happened in several years but HE did it, HE escaped.  This use to be a pretty regular occurence.  Aforementioned neighbor once called to ask me what Johnny was doing.  I said, “upstairs, watching t.v.”  “WRRROONNNGGGG!!! “, she said, he somehow got in my house and I found him in my guest room watching T.V.  Don’t Judge, he’s pulled this magic act on some of the most seasoned Grandma’s around.  And no……..senility had nothing to do with it.

Johnny is in a new school this year and there is NO bus available for him.  Not a bad thing.  Turns out he likes me walking him to school.  What else did I learn????  That Johnny does not like to be kept waiting…….HOW did I learn this…………when I drove to pick him up from school and passed a boy who looked amazingly like him…………….WHAT?????……….IT WAS HIM!!!  Soooo………..we returned to school………and they learned a lesson…………..DO NOT leave Johnny to his own devices……….AND his Mommy really only has a certain amount of  patience.  Losing track of my Johnny EXCEEDS my limit.  I think they took notes.

Some NOTES I took recently…………..When Johnny tells you that he thinks the toilet is overflowing………..DO NOT get distracted when everyone leaves for school………….THEY eventually come home from school AND THEY eventually FLUSH  the toilet.  Sooooo….turns out he The Captain is right, Bad News does not get better over time.  Dear Readers, make a NOTE of this.

While I am on the subject of **it flowing………….it never ceases to amaze me that THE BROTHERS can find anything to entertain themselves that has to do with bodily functions.  I felt so smug today when I saw the Little Brother playing a logic game on the computer.  What a seeker of knowledge, thought I.  Proudly, I ask………….”Little Brother, what is the goal of the puzzle?”  (I OF ALL people should know not to ask a question you don’t already know the answer to…kind of like in court)  Little Brother (equally proud) responds…………”to connect all the pipes to the toilet so the poop will go in it……..I ASKED.  Prime example why ignorance is bliss…………..NOTED.

The Big Brother, should have been taking notes the past 13 years……………cause it might help him answer some of his own questions……………like when we come home from school and the plumber leaves the dishwasher pulled out with water flowing onto the kitchen floor and fails to return the kitchen to working order……..YES, Big Brother, that might possibly mean there will be no mashed potatoes for dinner.

Oh yeah and a note I hope he took and filed away for his future………….DO NOT repeatedly ring the doorbell for your mother to hurry up to take you to baseball…………..it only makes her lock the door and move slower.   And note this…………………. I don’t care that you are bigger than me, I still am THE WINNER!!!!!  Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  But……….I love you like crazy so YOU got that going for you.

Johnny……….this note is for you………..when above mentioned plumbing catastrophes are happening and maybe just maybe Mommy is doing a little bit of yelling…………it does not calm Mommy down to tell her she might be a little tense and recommend a massage.  Proper time and place, Johnny…….proper time and place.

The past couple of weeks have been like one of those really bad tests in school……………..you know,  when you swear that the teacher made it up only to hear……………….you should’ve taken better notes…………….Never said I was a quick study……NOTED!!

One Response to In Rear View – On that note

  1. jim says:

    Ok. I think I might have you this time Nick was watching TV in the family room and Chloe who is 3 years old and 4 ft tall already says Daddy I need to wash my hands and he thinks That was nice of her to tell him before she goes into the bathroom and turns it into a waterpark. So a few minutes go by and she is still washing her hands so Nick decides he better go check and finds the water running but no Chloe so alarmed and scared at what she might be up to he starts looking for her and finds her in her room with a tube of tooth paste covering the TV and anything else she can reach.. And for all you parents who are saying why does a 3 year old have a Tv in her room? well it is only on at certain times and she is not allowed to touch the remote. oh yea did I ever ask you how do they just learn how to be sneaky like from birth it’s like they have a class in the womb or something..

Leave a reply